Waiting

Why is it so difficult to just be heard. Everyday this burden on my chest gets heavier and heavier. I know what I have to do I just have lost all of my strength. I pray things gets easier or that things begin to make sense again. Lies never get anyone far. They harm your ability to care about someone correctly. Why is it that people are afraid of the past? I mean it has already happened. We know what was put before us, yet we are afraid of reliving that awkward or scary situation. It’s for the best. to be able to let things go and to be able for things to heal you must allow yourself to do so. YOu have to jump into the unknown. I feel like I do that. Especially when it comes to someone special hurting me. I usually shove people away but how can they not see that they are repeating past. I just wish I was strong like i used to be. I just he refuses to understand. He refuses to let me in. And I am tired of trying.

Do people really think that I am not smart? I am tired of people second guessing me and treating me as if I have no knowledge. I’m not the brightest nor am I the dumbest. I am a good median in between.

All in all:  BAD DAY

I’m numb. I just want out. I can’t breathe. Feelings are your inner most thoughts and emotions. I try to embrace mine but I’m getting punished for it. Being alone is a fear but I’m not intimidated by my fears only cautious. Getting hurt seems to be a habit of mine. I thought He was it. I though He was the one that would never let me down. He wasn’t supposed to. I wish he’d let himself understand. I’ve tried to convey what hurts and why.. he refuses to allow himself to understand because of past relationships. I am tired of having to pay for that. Why should I be punished for something I had nothing to do with. Where is my strength? Where did It go.. It aggravates me to know I am the weak one now. I just wish he would allow himself to understand. I am done and through. I have no other choices or ways out. Its a lose lose situation.

what to do while waiting out a tornado? why blog of course! all of a sudden i have become obsessed with divulging my thoughts and feelings and throwing it our for all of cyberspace to see. well maybe not all of cyberspace because of course not everyone well not even one person might want to read this. it helps to have a place to come and write out everything. Teachers say that if you write for ten minutes a day then it will help you scholastically… i sure hope it works for me!

How does one truly prepare for a torando if you live on the top floor of an ancient dorm?

Prayer. As i was watching the news about the weather and everyone was freaking out because we were supposedly ready to have a tornado any moment, I began to wonder, why do we have natural disasters? Is it God’s way of destroying sin? I think of a natural disaster as God’s way of saying “hey, look I am in control of this world.” just something to think about.

Love- It never feels like it works.

it hurts when the people you love hurt you. The pain becomes even stronger when they know they are hurting you and continue to do so. What has become of me? why have i let myself fall this deeply into path that i am so unaware of. This hurt is only continuing and yet i just keep dealing with it. Whys should I have to deal with the pain alone? Why should I even have to deal with the pain period. Sometimes I wish i could sit and have a frozen ICEE with God. Just me and him to discuss how to deal with my hurt. Usually I just push people away. I”m done with them. But this person. Our connection is undeniable. I wish it was easier to move along and to worry over other things or not worry at all. I’m tired of the same argument over the same things. I am on a carousel and now more than ever, i really just want off. Please just let me off of this never ending path that seems to be forming for us. I can’t emotionally take anymore of it. I am beaten and I am torn. Just let it go.